I must remain focused, he told himself, adjusting his tie until it nearly choked him. The integrity of the gala depends on my composure.
So next time someone clears their throat at a meeting and says, “I have an opinion,” don’t roll your eyes. Get them a gavel. And maybe a muffin. The Earnest Committee Chair Has a Masturbation ...
So here’s to the earnest committee chairs—the ones who bring snacks, who play music, who ask about your weekend and mean it. Here’s to their vision, as expansive as it is practical. And here’s to all of us who will join them, one joyful committee meeting at a time. I must remain focused, he told himself, adjusting
This paper explores a hypothetical scenario wherein an Earnest Committee Chair introduces a "Masturbation Policy" for the committee’s duration. While initially appearing farcical, the existence of such a policy highlights the tendency of late-capitalist bureaucracy to invade the somatic sphere. The Chair’s "earnestness"—defined here as a lack of irony coupled with an excess of procedural fidelity—strips the act of its intimacy, reframing it as a logistical hurdle to be managed, scheduled, and minuted. Get them a gavel
who replaced angry budget debates with a “potluck + planning” format. Neighbors who had been feuding over fence heights ended up sharing lasagna recipes. The budget passed unanimously.
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Much of the tension in such works comes from the risk of exposure, highlighting the societal pressure in Japanese culture to maintain a clean "omote" (front/public face) versus the "ura" (back/private self). Production and Medium